I don't know if this is meant to be a blackmail or she is walking by faith. Faith? That must be a joke. A big joke sef. I needed to act very fast. She is very smart to have chosen Saturday night so that the news will spread well in church the following day. I thought of how she would face me in church.
I removed myself from the Facebook tag and sent a message to some people to alert them of the fraud. And I had to call my parents too, but I know a call cannot solve this. My first point of call was my Pastor's house. His wife opened the door for me with her ever emotionless face. She is like Lucy in Harry Potter. You can never see anything other than calmness on her face.
What kind of trouble is this on a Sunday morning! The first statement that came out of my mouth immediately I saw my pastor was "pastor, this is blackmail. I don't even have her phone number". My pastor calmed me down and told me that he will call the lady to delete the post.
Since I joined the church, I have been very quiet. After the foundation class, I joined the intercessory unit, so I am hardly seen by most members of the church. My brand in the church is unknown. Only the pastor, his wife and few members of my unit can even recognize me on the street. It really baffles me what got into this lady.
I would have gone immediately to Ibadan, but I wanted to see the lady to know the kind of weed she took. My palms have been itching me. Maybe it's a message that I need to slap someone. The kind that they call 'no be here'. My friends have started posting the picture on their WhatsApp status. Egbami ke.
I was pacing the door of the church as the ushers were arriving. One of them met me and said "I think I saw you on Facebook this morning and ehh yes, you're the one. Congratulations". She stretched her hand towards me, but I shouted at her. "I am not the one". She moved away quickly from me. I know their type. Instead of reading bible when they wake up, it is Facebook they will be checking. Shior. I was angry and I strangely, liked it.
I stayed really pissed till I saw this lady. Yours sincerely, she looked beautiful, but today, she go hear am! I walked towards her as fast as I could. "What is the meaning of that nonsense on Facebook?" She suddenly froze like a giant scorpion stung her. "fffffffacebook?" She could only stutter. I shouted again "The picture you uploaded on Facebook. What is the meaning of that? Do I know you? Why are you blackmailing me?" I kept on shouting many questions.
People were already gathering and she kept on looking dumb. I wasn't going to fall for that. I brought out my phone and showed her the picture. The expression on her face was like that of a Chinese man that just received a Jet Li kick on his face. When she recovered from the apparent shock, she said "My phone has been missing for the past 3 days. I assure you that I know nothing about this".
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